Winter sun shone down upon the high priestess and the young bookmaker as they crossed the courtyard headed for the library. The winds from the past week seemed to have quieted themselves overnight after blowing away the grey snow clouds of the last week. Despite the change in weather, the Holy Mother’s steps were not as quick as they had been when Aisha last served as her eyes less than a year ago, although the old woman’s grip on her shoulder was as strong as it had ever been.
"Slow your pace," said the older woman. "There is no need to run."
Aisha carefully shortened her steps to accommodate. "Yes, Holy Mother. "
The high priestess abruptly stopped in her tracks and let go of Aisha’s shoulder. Aisha turned to see what was wrong.
"Stupid child,” hissed the old woman. “Never call me by that title outside of the woman's quarters! Someone will overhear you and you will end up getting us all killed!"
"What am I to call you then?" asked Aisha.
"You may call me mother," said the high priestess, putting her hand back on Aisha’s shoulder. "Or you may call me mistress if you wish a more formal way of addressing me.
Aisha clenched her fists under the sleeves of her robes. You are not my mother. My mother gave her life for her people. You are nothing like her. You will never be like her. I will never call you mother.
"Yes, Mistress."
The old woman’s grip on Aisha’s shoulder tightened. “I would prefer you call me mother given that your mother gave me charge over you before she died. It would be a sign of respect to her."
“Yes, Mistress,” said Aisha.
“I see,” chuckled the old woman. “Mistress is just as well. It implies the relationship of a superior authority to a servant or slave. I would have thought you would have chosen otherwise. It is just as well given what we need to discuss.”
Aisha’s mind began to race through every possible reason the Holy Mother would want to meet with her.
Could she have overheard Nasreen and I talking of our plans to escape?
Did the Procuress tell her the things I said the night Nasreen came back from the palace?
What if the Holy Mother knew about the scrolls?
She couldn't know. She could not navigate the stairs without help from her eyes. And she could not see the scrolls if she did.
Mother said the high priestess knows everything because the Goddess speaks to her directly.
But the Holy Mother no longer believes in the Goddess.
Baraz. Could he have told her of the scroll?
By the time they reached the library doors, Aisha's palms were almost too slick with sweat to open them properly. Once inside, Aisha wiped her hands on her robe before pulling the door shut, making sure it latched securely. She turned back to the Holy Mother who stood just inside the doorway. "Would you like me to find you a chair, Mistress?"
"Yes, child." The older woman’s hand shot out in Aisha’s direction. She felt around for the younger girl’s hand and drew her closer, taking her face in her hand to whisper in her ear. "Make sure we are alone first."
Aisha allowed the Holy Mother to feel her nod in understanding before beginning her normal inspection of the library to assure they were alone.
She must know about the scrolls. Why else would she want to speak with me alone here? Once she was sure they were alone, she returned to the Holy Mother and led her to a chair at the library table.
"We are alone, Mistress," said Aisha. "I have checked everywhere. But perhaps it is best to keep our voices low nonetheless. The High Priest does not visit often, but he walks like a cat. He has taken me unawares at times."
"He has told me he did indeed catch you unawares on more than one occasion," said the Holy Mother. "Most recently, he found you with a scroll of great age, containing the story of a blood drinking foreign king. Why did you not tell me of this encounter with the High Priest?"
"I... I... I thought you would be angry with me, Holy... I mean Mistress," stammered Aisha. "I should have told you about the scroll. And the High Priest."
"You still have not answered my question! Why must I hear from that wretched man that he discovered you with such a thing? With a piece of our country's heritage? Did you hope to embarrass me in front of him?" asked the old woman.
"I was afraid," explained Aisha. "I know you think I am a burden and a danger to everyone. Every day I try my best to make myself as small and unnoticeable as I can. I did not want to anger you."
"Where did you find it?" demanded the old woman. "Tell me now, stupid child. WHERE DID YOU FIND IT?"
Aisha shrunk inside herself while her mind raced. Do I tell her of the books hidden under the stairs in the bookmaker's closet? Does she know of the hiding place? What did Baraz tell her? Does he suspect anything?
"Must you continue to disrespect me, child?" asked the older woman. "Or is your head so addled that you do not remember where you found the scroll? Do not lie to me. I will know. I know you were reading it. He told me you were repairing it in the closet when he stumbled across you. But I know better. You were off in your own little precious dream world so engrossed you didn’t hear a grown man walk across the entire library to find you!"
"I found it on the top of a shelf on the east side of the library," lied Aisha, the words tumbling out of her mouth.
“Baraz told me that is what you said,” said the old woman. “The older books were all destroyed during the siege. You will not find any others. Do not go looking for them. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Mistress. My curiosity got the better of me. It will never happen again,” said Aisha.
"You are right. It will never happen again," said the Holy Mother. "I thought of replacing you as librarian. There are other tasks to be done more suitable for your intellect that will keep the men of the Swarm from sniffing you out. Perhaps you would be better suited to cleaning latrines in the healing wing. The smell there would be far worse than vinegar, piss, and sheepskin."
Aisha stared at her feet. "Yes, Mistress."
"You are no better than any of us," said the Holy Mother as she put her hand on Aisha's shoulder again to push herself to a standing position. "The virtue of your birth has become a curse to all Adyll. And your thoughtless actions may yet be the death of us all. Come, lead me back to the kitchens."
"Yes, Mistress."
"It would be best if you refrained from reading at all," said the Holy Mother. "Nothing here holds any value to a woman living under the rule of the Locust King. It is better for us to be ignorant. Anything else only gives false hope."
"Yes, Mistress. It will not happen again,” said Aisha as she led her towards the door to the courtyard and a sun the old woman could never see.
The Holy Mother lies. She knows the rest of the books are hidden beneath the stairs.
And now I know I can lie just as she does and the Goddess will not betray me.