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Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Locusts at the Gate Chapter 2: A New Name Chapter 3: The Capital Prepares Chapter 4: The Princess is Dead, Long Live the Princess Chapter 5: Outside the Gates Chapter 6: Inside the Black Tent Chapter 7: Surrender at the Temple Chapter 8: The Cult of the Locust Chapter 9: The Locust's Tenets of Faith Chapter 10: Mourners on the Cliff Chapter 11: The Eye of Betrayal Chapter 12: The Dead King's Bedchamber Chapter 13: The Arms of the Goddess Chapter 14: Zayaan of the Narim Chapter 15: The Eyes of the Priestess Chapter 16: A More Permanent Disguise Chapter 17: Tribute Chapter 18: Sacrifice of the New Moon Chapter 19: The Lost Bird Chapter 20: Manah and the Priestess Chapter 21: Desert Creatures Chapter 22: Become the Swarm Chapter 23 The Price of Betrayal Chapter 24: Life Under the Locust Chapter 25: Wild Rose Chapter 26: The Lady Wren Chapter 27: Thought and Desire Chapter 28: The Lady's Captivity Chapter 29: The Wine Maiden Chapter 30: End of Childhood Chapter 31: The Children of Aisha Chapter 32: The Forest Runner Chapter 33: Three Sisters Chapter 34: The Hunt Chapter 35: Bones in the Forest Chapter 36: Lullaby Chapter 37: The Hunter's Horn Chapter 38: Ways Between Ways Chapter 39: Morning Star Chapter 40: A Prophecy for Baraz Chapter 41: Equinox Fires Chapter 42: The Lord Prince Takri Chapter 43: Evening Star Sets Chapter 44: Chaos in the Courtyard Chapter 45: Dasha Chapter 46: Memories Chapter 47: The Body Slave Chapter 48: Caged Beasts Chapter 49: Message from the Capital Chapter 50: Heresiarch Chapter 51: The Color of Blood Chapter 52: Winter Winds Chapter 53: The Bookmaker's Closet Chapter 54: Wrapped in Dignity and Beauty Chapter 55: Vessel of the Goddess Chapter 56: Cracks in the Walls Chapter 57: Two Brothers Chapter 58: The Court of Women Chapter 59: Favored of the King Chapter 60: The Sweetest Fruit Chapter 61: Daughter of the Temple Chapter 62: A Nation of Bastards Chapter 63: The Lute Player Chapter 64: Aisha's Prayer Chapter 65: Promises Chapter 66: Lives Lost Chapter 67: The Tea Maker Chapter 68: Object of Desire Chapter 69: Empty Shelves Chapter 70: Darkness and Light Chapter 71: The Love of Men Chapter 72: The Cursed Ones Chapter 73: Hiding Places Chapter 74: Old Men's Tales Chapter 75: False Prophecies Chapter 76: The Lord Prince Radu Chapter 77: Love Becomes Life Chapter 78: Mistress and Mother Chapter 79: A Test of Strength Chapter 80: The Strigoi-Viu Cometh Chapter 81: Scraps from the Table Chapter 82: A Fool's Errand Chapter 83: The Little Ghost Chapter 84: Stolen Honeycakes Chapter 85: Breathe Chapter 86: Beneath the Palace Chapter 87: Red Pebbles Chapter 88: Common Men Chapter 89: Love and Duty Chapter 90: Nightmares Chapter 91: Earth and Sun Chapter 92: Love and Creation Chapter 93: Until My Last Breath

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Chapter 46: Memories

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Aisha kept her vigil from the window as the others slept on the floor below her.  She watched as Mahleck, Baraz, and the young Narim prince emerged from the sanctuary and left the temple with a contingent of Swarm soldiers.  Any prisoners unable to walk were put to the knife, and their bodies hung from the walls of the temple as a warning to any other citizens who would stand against the God-Emperor Mahleck.  The remaining rioters were marched to the palace under heavy guard. 

Shortly before dawn, the women removed the barricades from the dormitory doors.  The noises from the courtyard had ceased hours before.  Aisha told them of all she saw from her perch in the window. 

"Return the room to order.  We have no need for any passing priest to inform Baraz that anything was ever amiss," said the Holy Mother.  The accusations by the oracle and the older temple women had shaken her status, but she still held authority by virtue of her station.  "Young Aisha, come down from that window before someone sees you." 

Aisha and Nasreen helped the others move the furniture back into place.  They hid the scroll again inside Aisha's bedding. 

"When you saw the Narim prince, did he look upset?  Was he well?" asked Nasreen. 

"He didn't look like anything.  He seemed the same as he was during the ceremony," said Aisha. 

"Why would he do such a thing?" asked Nasreen.  "How could be bring an innocent old woman, much less an oracle, to be executed?  I would rather die than participate in such horrors." 

"Maybe he was forced to?" suggested Aisha.  "Perhaps he had no choice."  She thought back on the night the high priestess forced her to stand as witness to the sacrifice of the street people.  Aisha looked back at the blind old woman.  She had aged even more over the last months.  Her head was not held as high. Her back had become more rounded than when she stood as a leader with Irinya's mother among the holy women. Aisha remembered praying with all of them for deliverance from the invading Swarm.  No one was immune from suffering.  The Princess Irinya lost her mother and her name.  The high priestess lost her sight and faith, and in return took Aisha's idealism and exchanged it for guilt and shame. 

"I don't understand how he could have such gentleness inside him and speak of the Lady so reverently and still stand there and watch that poor woman burn," said Nasreen. 

"Could he have stopped it?  Could he save her?  Could any of us have saved her?" said Aisha in an outburst of emotion.  "All the people who fought out there today - they could not prevail against the Swarm, no matter how hard they fought.  The Holy Mother is right.  We cannot defeat him.  Maybe if we had allied ourselves with the countries across the desert when he came for them, we would have had a chance.  But we did nothing.  And now we suffer for it." 

"Aisha..." said Nasreen.  "We cannot lose hope.  We cannot." 

The temple women began to leave the dormitory for their day's work.  Aisha prepared herself to lay down and sleep.  She could be excused from work due to her courses for one more day, and she was exhausted from keeping vigil in the window the entire night.  Temple prostitutes started their days later than the other women, so Nasreen stayed behind with her friend. 

"I did not tell you what happened the night the street people feasted in this room.  When the Holy Mother asked me to walk with her and give them their feasting garments," said Aisha in a low voice. 

"Aisha, you do not need to tell me," said Nasreen.  "We have all guessed what happened that night." 

"I do need to tell you.  I need someone to understand," whispered Aisha.  "It was my fault, Nasreen.  She asked me to describe each of the street people to her.  To those who were old and weak she told me to give a brown tunic.  The young and strong were given white tunics. She told me to take her to the classroom we were just in so I could act as her Eyes and witness what happened to them. They took each of the street people clothed in brown and slit their throats like animals! The priests collected their blood and poured it upon the Lady’s sanctuary and upon that horrible man, Baraz.  None of the victims even struggled.  The Holy Mother told me the wine we served them was drugged to keep them calm as Baraz killed them.  The ones in white were spared to be used as slaves." 

"Aisha..." 

"I did nothing, Nasreen.  I stood, and I watched.  I participated in the slaughter.  I am the one who identified those who were to die.  I helped to serve them the wine so they would not fight.  I did nothing."  Tears began rolling down her cheeks.  "The Holy Mother told me she made a bargain with the strigoi-viu.  In exchange for preparing his sacrifices, he would grant her the lives of all who served in the temple." 

"Aisha, this was not your fault."  Nasreen sat on the edge of Aisha's cot.  "You are barely more than a child.  You cannot bear this guilt." 

"You are right.  I cannot bear it.  I cannot be strong.  I am like Thought, living among the dead because he cannot face the Lady or Her children," said Aisha.  "He was weak and never should have left the Lady to seek knowledge with his brother.  I thought I was being righteous in helping the Holy Mother, that she had seen something worthy inside me to be her Eyes.  But she only used me to hurt others." 

"But, you told me the Lady waits every summer for her beloved to come to Her.  She never stopped loving him, Aisha," said Nasreen.  She paused for a moment. "Wait. What were the words of the prophecy?  Do you remember?  He lives below you.  The Love of the Goddess." 

"Do you think she meant Thought?" asked Aisha. 

"Maybe?  Have you ever heard the story in that scroll before?  I haven't.  I was always told the Lady had many lovers, but never a husband.  And that she conceived without need of a man's seed," said Nasreen.  "What if her husband is real?" 

"How would we find him?" asked Aisha. 

"I don't know.  I need to get ready for the day.  I want you to reread the scroll and think about where he could be.  Maybe there is more information in the library.  Maybe he could fight the strigoi-viu." 

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