January 2020

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2yo (happy, with feeling): You're awake!

Me: Yeah. Wonder who woke me up?

2yo (proudly): Meeee!


Stranger: How old are you?

2yo: I'm big enough!


2yo: I don't want to get dressed. I want to find Hiccup.

Me: Get your map. Hiccup told me to mark it.

2yo: That's a good idea!

*Runs off, and returns with a handful of plastic French Fries.*

Me (arranging them flat): Hiccup says your clothes are... here.

This actually worked.


2yo: I want to watch Hulk!

Me: You like the Hulk?

2yo: He's my best friend. I'm gonna go in the show and give him my milk! And he'll say, "Thank you, that was very nice!" I want to watch my friend.


Me: Where are we going?

2yo: To see my cousins!

Me: We're going to school.

2yo: I want to go to the beach!

Me: You and me both.


Me: What are you doing?

2yo (climbing over the edge of her bed, where it is high, rather than the side, where it is low): Getting out of my big girl bed.

Me: Why are you getting out that way?

2yo: Because it's better.


Me: You found your little sister.

2yo: Yes. I love her.

Me: I love her too. And I also love you.

2yo: And I love your nipples.


Me: You should try pretending to be a woman on the internet sometime.

Husband: No way.

Me: Afraid you won't survive?

Husband: Pretty much.


2yo (getting worked up about How to Train Your Dragon): They took Shattermaster! We have to take him back! They're going to save him! Just not yet.

2yo: The baby needs the booger fucker!

Me: ...The boogie sucker?

2yo: Yeah! She has boogers in her nose! She needs the booger ffffsucker!


2yo (pointing to each piece of pizza): Here's the Daddy, and here's the Mommy, and here's the baby...

Me: Who are you going to eat first?

2yo: Mommy! Mmmmm. You're so delicious.


2yo: I want more on my place.

Me: More pizza?

2yo: Yes!

2yo: No, I don't want it!

Me: This is the pizza you asked for.

2yo: No! I don't want it! Take my plate away! I want milk!

Me: Here's your milk.

2yo: No! I don't want milk!

Cat: *Licks the last of my dinner off her paws after finishing it while I was up with 2yo.*


Movie: That's a bad omen. You're cursed.

2yo: Cussed.

Me: Cursed?

2yo: No! Cussed!

I wrote up a short bio for 2yo's character today so she could join our TTRPG game. I read it off to her, and asked if I forgot anything.

2yo: Dice, Mommy. She likes dice.


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