Season 64 Sign-ups: Five Hundred Fun Ways to Die!
It's that time again! Season 64 Sign Ups for Five Hundred Fun Ways to Die is open! Keep reading for details!
Have you always wanted to...
Experience a death and resurrection?
Plan your own creative and exciting death, custom tailored to your specifications?
Record it and share the event across the entire Sparnell Confederation upon your return to the living?
The moment you've been waiting for has arrived! Five Hundred Fun Ways to Die is preparing to record its sixty-fourth season and we are looking for YOU!
Submit your application below, complete with your Family and personal names, your species (human, canid, dracoling, katanoj, fae, you know the drill), and one or several of your ideas, for a chance to be selected in this year's competition.
May your Glory bring Honor to us all!
By entering your name you agree to the full files, terms, and conditions of Five Hundred Fun Ways to Die. Entry is irrevocable once submitted. Final selection dependant upon Family approval. All travel, living, dying, and resurrection expenses to be paid by the Sparnell Armed Forces unless stated otherwise.
Javon Constanzia
Bored to death by your useless, propagandic drivel.
Bored to death by your useless, propagandic drivel.
Very funny, Javon! I know you're disappointed your Family won't let you partake, but that's no reason to spoil the fun for everyone else!
Or are you volunteering that husband of yours? We'd love to put him on the show.
You wouldn't dare!
Xaphanethra Sarik, eaten by a katanoj
And Family approval already! That makes things easier.
Fae, I presume? Otherwise we'll need a lot of katanoji!
Perhaps our lovely Constanzia can join us after all.
I'm a legendary Shield Singer. Get one of your Selkirk bootlickers to do it.
Thayer Aria, human
Pulled in two by horses going in opposite directions
Pulled in two by horses going in opposite directions
Nathar Carina, dracoling
Personally choked to death by Selkirk Nero
Personally choked to death by Selkirk Nero
Thayer - Need some more excitement in your life, I see? I can absolutely arrange that for you!
Nathar - How many times? 😏
As many as it takes, darling. ;)
Oooh, I like you.
Don't worry. I'll make it fun. Every time. 😏
You should be ashamed of yourself.
First you teach our youth to trivialize death. And now this.
My poor, deluded Constanzia. Take it from a Necromancer. Death is trivial.
Cunningham Caspar, I want to eat too much of my favorite candy!
I'm a dracoling!
You're too young for this, kid. Go home. Please. Don't get mixed up with the likes of him.
I'm grown up for my age! Everyone says so! And I'm the most powerful Telepath in my class!
Mama says they'll be so lucky to have me when I'm conscripted next month!
And she's right. But I'm not going to distract you from your studies. The SAF needs you to be the best you can be.
And besides - you're a Cunningham! Let me know when they've scheduled you for a ship, maybe Admiral Vox and I can get you a special feature: All about your promotion to an AI. The people need to know!
Sound good?
Yeah! Wait'll I tell Mama! My friends'll be so jealous! 😁
You disgust me, Nero. And the worst part is, you don't even understand why.
Valcore Solidad, Katanoj. Choke to death on a Fae, maybe two. 😉
Well that's convenient! You and Xaphanethra can team up!
I love when that happens. Makes my job easier.
Submissions are Still Open! Who wants to become famous?
May your glory bring honor to us all!
There's no glory in war. Only destruction.
Says the woman whose name is known across the entire Confederation for her own contributions to the war. But I suppose that doesn't matter to you, does it? You have your glory. What does it matter to you how the rest of us find it?
Arnald Olycka and Arnald Ivan. Human.
A fight to the death.
Reynard Pol, canid. I would love to join in that fight to the death suggested above. Maybe winner could die to host's choice? Audience's choice??
Hawke Lisbet. Human.
I haven't been conscripted yet (couple of months away!) so I don't think you'll let me on the show, but I did want to know - do you remember how much it hurts to die?
I haven't been conscripted yet (couple of months away!) so I don't think you'll let me on the show, but I did want to know - do you remember how much it hurts to die?
Arnald - Oooh, the famed Battle Mage siblings are here for a repeat performance? You were definitely two of the season highlights last time you were on, so excited to have you back to show your skills to a new generation. Maybe you could get me another promotion while you're at it? Also happy to help with the new resurrection. 😉
Pol - I don't think you need to worry any about that! You're in for an exciting time. Definitely going to learn some new tricks. I recommend Season 37, Episode 2 if you want a preview of what you're getting into. 😁
Hawke - That's a very astute question! Dying itself is pretty painless. A necromancer can help you test that theory, we know how to pull the soul directly to the Afterlife. The dying part is just as comfortable as falling asleep, but it's also like waking up, too. Just without the tired.
The pain part of dying comes from still being alive while you're doing it.
Hawke - If you want to find out for yourself, during your orientation and initial aptitude test training you will have an opportunity to talk to a TAG. You can ask him to help you.
I have a great idea for a new season - why don't you take all the best deaths from the previous seasons and try them out yourself? Surely it gets boring just watching death all the time. :)
Hawke - If you want to find out for yourself, during your orientation and initial aptitude test training you will have an opportunity to talk to a TAG. You can ask him to help you.Thank you, Ma'am. Admiral. I'll be sure to ask. I'm pretty sure I'll end up a medic - lots of my Family are - and I think it's important to understand death for that.
Farrah - Your submission to relive a collection of the best past season winning deaths has been accepted. May your glory bring honor to us all!
Lisbet - That's a very good way of looking at things. With your skills and smarts, I'm sure you'll be claimed quickly by an Admiral looking to help push your career aspirations even further.
If you'd like I can ask if you can join us as an assistant medic for the resurrections this season. Jet me know if you're interested?
Either way, the Confederation is fortunate to have you.
If you'd like I can ask if you can join us as an assistant medic for the resurrections this season. Jet me know if you're interested?I would love that! Thank you so much for the opportunity.
My "contributions to the war" have been to defend our people. I defend life. You glorify death. Normalize it. Encourage others to seek it out, for fun and sport and glory.
And you like it.
You win this round, Nero.
Farrah - I've been running this game longer than you've been playing it, kid. But I understand what it's like, so I'll make sure you still get a vote, as it were. You want a whole episode to yourself? Or we can spread it out across the whole season if you'd rather. Let me know.
Javon - Sometimes defending life requires death, and it can't always be someone else's death. I make sure we're ready. But don't presume to know my personal choices. We're more alike than you realize.
Spread it across a whole season. I might as well make the most of it.
And Officer Javon, if you don't agree with this why are you still here arguing about it? This show is just as important as your Shield-Singing.
And Officer Javon, if you don't agree with this why are you still here arguing about it? This show is just as important as your Shield-Singing.
You got it, kid!
And good question. I'd like an answer on that too, Connie.
Host Selkirk -
You have not earned the right to be so familiar with our War Hero Javon Constanzia. We have raised a formal complaint with your Family.
A thousand apologies, honored Javon, from my Family to yours. I allowed my frustrations to get the better of my judgment. It won't happen again.
See that it doesn't.
Yiven Pamalia, fae. From orbit, in the Void.
Yiven Carr, fae. Hyperjumped into the sun.
Darwood, Edgar, human. Drowned in fine brandy.
Yiven Pamalia - What a beautiful way to go. Nothing like a good view of the Void. Our viewers will enjoy the holovid of that one, too. I'll be happy to set thst up for you.
Yiven Carr - Quick, hot, and very difficult to watch. I'll have to talk to my film crew about this but the Vox Family has quite a bit of experience. We'll sort it out for you.
Darwood - The Darwood's most expensive signature label, I presume? That's Family values right there, earning your own glory and making your Family some credits off the SAF in the process. Good for you. (Don't suppose we'll get a discount for buying in bulk? We'll need a lot if you want to do it comfortably.)
I'm sure we can work out something agreeable for all.
I'll let Admiral Vox be the judge of that. It's his annual budget.
Between you and me? Charge him extra for delivery. Get all you can out of him. 😉
Do we need to have another chat about your budget, Selkirk?
Also. The Javon Family's complaints are in review with your Family. They kindly supplied me a copy for my own comments.
As you've said before, Sir, my record speaks for itself. All sixty four years of it. I intend to continue to further your glory in my interactions with the public, same as always. I know where we stand. I know what's at stake. My informal address of Sub-Officer Javon Constanzia was a temporary lapse of judgment and I will make what amends you deem necessary. Sir.
Very well, Captain. I believe you.
You've never let me down before. Don't start now.
Captain.
Is this... You got me a promotion?
You've been working so hard lately. It's overdue.
This is because of the Arnald siblings again, isn't it?
You handle them as well as you did last time, and with the Arnald Family's increased prestige they'll help me make full Admiral.
It's already been arranged. Took a lot to line everything up. Do not ruin this for me.
You can count on me, sir.
I know I can. Because I know what you really want, and the more power you bring me the more likely I'll get you there. Understood?
No more fighting with the Javons. Do your duty. Bring me honor.
Xaphanethra Sallie - Drawing too much power from the Void
Xaphanethra - Usually the rules are you can't change your choice once you've submitted, but are you sure about this one? That's a lot to risk, even for eternal fame and glory across the greatest power in the universe.
Host Selkirk - I am certain! I know the risks, I will not Burnout. Was thinking I could do a nice informal narration the whole time about why it is important for your viewers to know their limits when casting magic, especially for Void Mages.
Maybe the Confederation Armada wcould use it as a training holo later. Really get my name out there.
I'm still not comfortable with the risks, but as you'll be the one casting you'll have full control.
Just keep an eye on your limits, okay? I'd hate for the worst to happen.
Standard clauses apply. Five Hundred Fun Ways to Die guarantees a resurrection after, but takes no responsibility for side effects beyond the promised death. This includes psychological effects from the event or loss of magic due to Burnout. I'll have my staff get the extra waivers ready for you.
I'm so excited!
I can't wait until everyone knows my name.
Hopefully it's for all the reasons you want, Kid. Be careful out there.
I'll make a note to follow up with Xaphanethra before the season begins, Sir.
By the way, you haven't touched any of your meals this week. Should I inform catering to send you a new menu?
That's... Yes. Thank you.
Death is one thing but Void scarring is something else entirely. Burnout is an actual risk. Have her show you she knows how to monitor her reserves. Thanks, PA.
You're welcome, Sir.
And what should I tell catering?
Nothing. Haven't been hungry. Not their concern.
Or yours.
As you say.
There's a pot of tea and some paperwork in your dressing room.
I'll take a look when I'm done here.
Since you've got some time on your hands, check in with the set department. They've been begging for more help, especially with the stage for the Arnald duel. Put that persistence of yours to better use.
What's the matter, Selkirk?
All this death ruin your appetite?
Jarkin Dor, human
Something explosive. Make it huge. 😈
Something explosive. Make it huge. 😈
Jarkin - Your Family and their explosives. Always looking for a bigger bang. Think they'd be willing to help out?
Sub-Officer Javon - I am most appreciative of your thoughtful concern for my health. It's nothing someone of your esteemed reputation need concern yourself with. A mere stomach bug.
We've got a few tricks we've been hoping to try out. I'll be more than happy to run them past you and your staff.
Who should I reach out to, to get the discussion started?
Hunt down that PA who brought me my lunch. She'll be able to get you talking to the right people.
It would be my pleasure to help, Sir. I'll put you in contact with our best technician.
Thank you, PA. I'll leave this in your capable claws.
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Theme by Damion Otter. Vazdimet and Magic Logos by Grace Gittel Lewis. Faction and Family Logos by tjtrewin. Subscriber boxes by Stormbril. Meet the Vazdimet team.
Please check our Fan Content Policy and Discussion Board Rules for details on interacting with the Vazdimet universe.