Eupa knew Brotz was fucked by his upbringing, but since he was less fucked up than her with her not-fucked-up upbringing, she figured it didn't matter.
She forgot that not being fucked up didn't actually help all the time. It seemed impossible, but he knew nothing about babies. He didn't know how to handle gas or constipation. He didn't know anything about cutting teeth. And he didn't know how to handle sickness.
Eupa missed the build-up. There was some upset with some dead person (that she had nothing to do with) and inheritance and a big family, and it kept her away for four days. Apparently, four days was too long for Brotz to be left alone with the kid without any help.
Eupa passively noticed the house being disheveled when she snuck in, but she was too tired to deal with it yet. She normally slept during the day, as assassinations were easier to pull off while people were asleep, but the work lately had her sleeping when she could, which happened to include midnight tonight.
Until the kid woke her up with some weak crying in the den. It continued off and on. She tried to ignore it, assuming he was trying and doing badly, but then Brotz snored loud enough to hear.
Eupa kicked off the blankets and slithered to the den, irritated and groggy and concerned enough to override the anger. She found both in his living chair, Brotz asleep and Brina in his lap, pinned by a hand bigger than her. His head was thrown all the way back and his mouth was wide open; he was out.
The kid had the sniffles when she left. Eupa figured it was a cold and Brotz could handle it, seeing as it was his only job and both twins had done everything they could to accommodate him between materials and education. Apparently, she was wrong.
The kid was gray, her eyes were sunk, her lips were blue, and her chubby cheeks bore spider webbed bruises from theblood vessels busted by coughing. She panted between sucking sighs and sagged against Brotz's heavy hand toward Eupa when she saw the dark woman approach.
"Pa," she whispered weakly, and Eupa felt something shift internally in a way that made her want to throw up.
"Come on," Eupa sighed, and she moved Brotz's arm and picked Brina up. The fever burned so hot that even Eupa wanted to pant, but the toddler was shivering. Poor thing wrapped her arms around Eupa's thin neck and rested her head on the bony chest.
Dirty clothes and spent matches lay around, every attempt at food sat out, nothing had been cleaned since she left. The various jars of medicines, herbs, pastes, creams, and tinctures were on the table and split into groups, but it was obvious that he couldn't remember which ones could help, and he didn't want to try and get it wrong. She wondered if he would ask her. She wondered what she'd do if he did.
Brina wheezed a cough, then continued hacking until her face turned purple. Eupa turned her face down to help clear the way and braced her shoulders. "It's been like that, huh?" She tried to make it sound light, knowing the tone was more important than the words, but the little face was losing its hints of gold and falling into dusty lemon by the time Eupa righted her.
Well, that helped pick out the medicine. "I wouldn't actually poison you," she chuckled quietly as she grabbed what she needed and dropped it into a spare cooking pot. "Your poor daddy didn't know what he was doing," she told the lethargic toddler. "I've got you now. We'll get some of that stuff out of the way and break the fever, feed you, see if we can't get you some strength back, yeah? Maybe let the fever back to kill the sick if it needs it."
Benefit of stationary living, the supplies. Having stuff on hand was hard to do on the road. Eupa had six times the prepared medicine she was used to having. Spare clothes for a baby sling, too, that shit was impossible when they were traveling. All kinds of vegetables and roots and herbs and minerals, lots of water for the coming steam treatment….
Brina liked the perch on Eupa's left shoulder, and it made the trip to the bath house easier when she hauled the child, the cooking pot, the ingredients for tea-broth-stuff, and the steam-smoke stuff into the round stone hut behind the cottage. "Baff?" Brina asked.
"Maybe later," the lanky woman said, distracted. "Steam house, now."
Brina seemed to enjoy watching Eupa work. She put the bathhouse's tiny water cauldron on, filled it with stones and water, and added a few tinctures. Tillweed into the fire, rub some paste near the kid's nose. The room filled with steam and smoke while Eupa prepared a good broth for the kid in the cooking pot, throwing in some grain and vegetables to mush at the bottom. Kid would need something to poop later. Evidence said she didn't eat much, and Brotz didn't even try to feed himself.
Eupa could feel the kid's chest rattling against her back, an improvement, considering the dry hiss from earlier. Poor thing was sprawled and sucking air, and Eupa was surprised by her own reaction– she was annoyed.
Normally, she was pretty good at figuring out what she was annoyed with, but this time it wasn't Brina nor Brotz nor Ro. It wasn't until she worked out what she thought should have been different that she figured out the annoyance was at herself.
If she was gonna live here, she needed to help. She shouldn't have left Brotz alone so long, or she should have left entirely. He'd been doing the parent thing with no help from her so far, and it was fine when Ro was still floating around, but that flighty asshole was adventuring out more often and for longer at a time– Eupa knew she needed to step in. She was half sure Ro knew she would and that's why she was comfortable leaving. And Eupa refused to help, like things were going to get better without her. Like he would give up instead of kill both himself and the baby in his determination to do it without them.
She hated her twin with a nice little burst of passion. How the fuck did Ro manage to trick her and Brotz into guarding a forest for her with a baby? Neat trick.
Once Eupa got the food to simmer, the top half of the room room filled satisfactorily with smoke and steam, and the fires comfortably settled with fresh coals to rake around, she took the baby from its sling. She kept her voice light and playful, even though the words didn't match. "This is gonna suck, okay?" she warned, and she gave a tickle to the little ribs.
Brina pretended to push the gray hand away with a breathless hiss, smiling wide. Eupa smiled too big and wriggled her fingers before diving in with the hand again, trilling her lips. Kid loved it, kicked and rasped a squeal– and sucked a lungful of expectorant as she tried to laugh. Eupa swung her into the air and spun with a "whoo!" to keep it up, listening to the poor kid wheeze when she tried to breathe in and inevitably set off a coughing fit.
Eupa swept the baby under an arm, holding it face down and patting its back until a big gob of brown sputum hit the floor with a heavy splat!
"Ew!" Eupa cheered, wiping it up to examine and toss into a dirty laundry bucket. "Great job! I know that hurt and it tasted horrible, didn't it? But you did great!"
Brina burbled unhappily, creaked and sputtered, crackled through the mess, and cried out in misery. More was jarred loose and she hacked up another nasty mouthful, but it paid off-- the following wail hurt Eupa's ears.
The dark woman sighed with relief and cradled the two year old face-down in her arms. "You ready to do it again?" she asked, keeping her notes playful and sweet. "Wanna fly?"
Brina clutched Eupa's arms and groaned.
"How about singing? Wanna sing?"
"No sing," Brina burbled, and she coughed up another gob.
"'Kay, well, I'll just rock, then, okay?" Eupa tried to remember if they had anything to help with the kid's stomach, and if there were any good ways to get her to eat it.
The fever broke halfway through the morning. She tried to eat and promptly threw up, so they returned to the bath house to lounge and recover. Brina was fascinated with Eupa's bathtub, but they used a much smaller laundry tub for Brina to wash up. It was almost sunup when they returned to the den for another attempt at eating.
Eupa spoonfed the mostly-naked toddler in her lap. They only had a little trouble arranging so that Eupa could move without disturbing Brina, and she was just going to have to tolerate the occasional puffy curl in the nose. Brina was using a towel tucked under her chin as a bib. The mess in her chest was far from gone but it wasn't crusty anymore; fever was broken; coughing was short and productive. Eupa felt like she had done well. She wondered now if anyone bothered attending sick slaves, or if Brotz just never got sick.
The house was still cluttered, the murderer observed between slurps. Brotz was precisely where he stayed all night; in his chair, big head rolled back and mouth wide open. Eupa considered drowning him or something but it wouldn't have been as funny with Brina being sick.
He still gave her the laugh she wanted when he woke up. Big guy did like usual, rolled his head, opened his eyes, stretched and mumbled, "I'm up."
Eupa was still pretty sure he forgot he had a house some wake-ups. He got so confused when he looked around.
It took him a second, but he jumped to his feet with a panicked gasp and knocked over his chair. The frantic search of the room had him look over them twice before he really saw them.
He froze like prey under the wrong eyes, no longer breathing and staring with his eyes wide. Eupa could hardly fight down the smile– he was melting where he stood, days of tension sliding off his massive back, shoulders sloping and weight shifting uncertainly.
Brina kicked lightly and rasped, "Daddy!"
His breath came in an enormous gasp. "Hey, Brina." The breath deepened as he slowly recovered, and a wobbly smile worked its way onto his lips. Eupa figured his brow was just stuck like that.
The werekin put on her best nonchalant air and waited an appropriate beat. "You know–"
Brina interrupted with a soft cough, and Brotz stepped into stance and his posture curled defensively. He was waiting for the endless dry nightmare Brina started the day with, Eupa guessed; but the short, wet burble cleared the gunk. Eupa held the waste cloth to Brina, who spat obediently. Brotz's bated breath shuddered when he released it and his eyes glittered in the dim light of the sunstone lamp on the table.
She couldn't stand the sappy shit. "If we're gonna have problems with you forgetting medicines, we need a good symbol thing or you need to learn to read or something." He was still hardly breathing, maybe he was more fucked up than she thought. "Did you sleep at all in the past four days?"
He dropped to his knees. Okay, he was more fucked up than she thought. Maybe he was really afraid Brina was gonna die before he could do anything about it. Kids died, of course, that happened, and sickness was a fucker like that, but it was still in shitty cold territory, not pneumonia. Then again, he wouldn't know that.
"We're gonna make a symbol chart thing for the medicine and shit," Eupa told him, trying to get past his weepy sap and being practical. "And when they're sick, you're supposed to go back to baby and sleep when they do. Keep from running yourself dead. I'll take care of the house, I live here, I'm not gonna let it go to shit just 'cos you're not doing everything for me. This is a bad example, 'cos I've been working my ass off, but we won't need to worry about money for a good three years."
Brotz hardly looked at her, though he was edging closer, looking at Brina like she was new, looking over every detail, if his eyes were any hint.
"She woke me up in the middle of the night, trying to squawk. Was pathetic. Trying to get out of your lap, but you were out and your hands were too heavy. She cuddled right up to me as soon as I picked her up, she was pitiful. Did try and wake you a couple times, but you were dead to the world." Brina tried to take the spoon from Eupa's hand, so she went back to feeding the kid scoops of broth and mush. "Anyway, this food is for now. There's more," she pointed at the little cooking pot, "in there and next time she's hungry, she needs the food at the bottom, not just the grains. Maybe toss some more in there for flavor, maybe one of the crunchier fruit Ro brought back."
If he kept wearing that face, she was going to kick him. He now included Eupa in his distracted study, and he looked even more pathetic than before. The yellow-eyed woman refused to be moved. "She needs the stew stuff, not anything else. Bunch of stuff that sounds gross to you, organs and roots, salted and dried stuff, but she needs it for the fever and the strength. Took me a while to get the broth where she'd take it. Honey was the trick to it, you're lucky she's old enough."
Now she was nervous and filling the quiet. Plus, he was the kid's dad and she guessed she wanted to talk about it. Though if he kept looking at her like that, she was going to shove the baby into his gaping maw.
"She hated the fever breaking, but felt better afterward. I had to let her cuddle your hand for a while, she wanted her daddy. Sweat it out and cried the whole time. Thought you'd wake up, but you only kinda stirred."
He hardly reacted. Eupa smirked, not bothering to hold it in anymore. "Doesn't surprise me at all to find out that fatherhood is your limit. Seen you bounce axes off your back, walk fifty kilometers without even slowing down, and stay up for eight days straight– and a baby's what knocks you–literally–to your knees." She couldn't fight the grin. "Ain't seen 'em fail, yet. Thought I might, us being the hero and villain we are, but nope! You're as pitiful as she is!"
He worked his mouth, but he was apparently overtaken, and she was just going to have to feel awkward.
He really thought I was gonna kill the brat. Like he wouldn't turn me into Eupa-paste or like I wasn't scared of being made into Eupa-paste.
Quit fooling yourself, you don't even want to kill the kid.
Eupa talked too much shit sometimes.
But that meathead thought she was going to hurt Brina, or at least stand back and watch him fail and let the kid die the 'fun' way. It hurt her feelings. Even though she said it from the beginning. She would have said it again this morning if he asked.
He won't believe it no matter what, but if he hears it, he'll see it eventually.
"I get it," she said, finally, trying to get the words together. What could she say? "I'm a horrible terrible person, who's done horrible terrible things, and I smile oh-so-horribly while I do them. I get it."
He nodded slowly and said, "Yeah."
She tried to come up with more words to explain that she was indeed full of shit and that by whatever fucked up chance, she cared, too, and she hated it but she wasn't going to just step back like that, but she couldn't just…
"Daddy taw'ed," Brina told her, pointing at Brotz. She expected the conversation to continue, and Eupa was messing up the back-and-forth.
"Yes, I know. I'm working on what to say," she told the kid, and she shoved the spoon into her mouth to keep her busy.
"I get it," she repeated, rounding back to Brotz between spoonfuls. "I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to sit down for the twenty fucking years it takes to raise a kid, I didn't want this to be what we did with the adventures, and I really expected the kid to die before now, that whatever magic fucked up story she's supposed to be in was going to be over and done with by some horrible sacrifice or whatever. I dunno.
"But it's been too long and I can't keep doing this. I was ready to put up with you grieving, but it's just fucked up to leave family to struggle and raise a kid by themselves. There's shit you don't let happen, and I can't pretend you're family and the kid's not, even if none of us are blood kin and shit, and I'll help."
She ended up spewing her thoughts out her ears, but she tried, dammit.
He had to take time to parse out what she said. She was used to that, he didn't think fast outside of combat, and she did get quick at end.
"I get it," she continued, apparently unable to shut up. "If you don't want me to help, that's fine. I know you expected me to hurt her, I don't even blame you. I wouldn't trust me with my kid, either, even if I knew I loved it– but you can focus on the baby and I can help you. You neglect yourself when you're helping, I've seen it too many times. I don't know the secrets of the planet like Ro, but I know the herbs. I expected to feed Ro's from my own breast, it's not like playing house is gonna kill me any faster than just living here and refusing to. Child-rearing and hunting were all the village ever did, I know how to do this."
He was quiet, but the way his mouth was pulling, he was thinking something. She couldn't begin to guess what it was, with that mess she just babbled.
She wanted to fill the silence but had nothing left. The silence remained awkward until he finally said, "Are you trying to say you're adopting Brina, too? Same way you and Ro adopted me?"
Eupa felt the blood burn in her face and she took the moment to feed Brina another bite. "I guess? I know we're not blood or anything, not kin like that, but we've been living together for six fucking years and been through everything except the bottom of the ocean. I'm kin to you, the kid's kin to you, so the kid's kin to me, too. Yes."
Brotz's face softened, and he slowly pulled himself to his feet. He put a hand on Eupa's shoulder, not on her collar like when he was trying to be threatening, and he left it there while he leaned down to kiss Brina's curls with a gentleness that didn't seem to fit his massive frame. He nudged Eupa's head with his on his way back up. "Thank you."
"Denku," Brina cheered.
She wanted to cuss him for that, too, but that was just reflex. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's shhhhh… stuff you don't let happen."
Brotz was smiling at Brina the same way she was smiling at him. "Is your Aunt Eupa feeding you?"
Eupa shot him a glare, but it was already too late. Brina bounced in Eupa's lap and cheered, "Anoopa!" ~
Apparently, the kid was old enough for idea seeds to plant– Brina, having been washed up once and been told 'later' at the time, wanted Eupa to give her a bath. Baths were Eupa's thing, she had a tub the kid was unduly fascinated with and "Aunt Eupa" was just so fucking amazing, she hated the little shit.
Psht. She wished she hated the kid, she didn't hate the kid, she hated that she loved the kid and that the kid, for whatever fucking reason, loved her. She didn't want it.
"Anoopa!" Brina cried, knocking on the dark wood door. Again. Brina learned to look for steam at some point and could tell when Eupa was in there, even if it was just for laundry. It had been no less than a full month since Eupa bathed undisturbed, no matter how she tried to sneak it. It upset their routines, it bugged the crap out of her, and worst, Eupa was resisting for no reason that she could discernibly name, which made it hard to hold. It wasn't even that she didn't want to– she wouldn't mind bathing the kid. Especially after she found out about Brotz's weird spot-baths.
"Baff! Pwease?"
Ugh. Can this not kill me? There's got to be a word for whatever "this" is.
"Anoopa! Pwease!"
"Brina, how did you get back out here–"
He definitely knew she was out here the whole time or he would have panicked ages ago. She was way too loud for that.
I hate children.
Not that one.
I don't even really hate children.
The next scream hurt Eupa's ears, even through the wall. Brotz must have been removing her. "Anoopa! No, Daddy! Anoopa!"
"Let her in," Eupa called, not sure she'd be heard. "It's not locked."
She heard both of them go quiet outside, then Brina screamed,"Anoopa!"
Brotz called into a window, "Are you sure?"
"It's been a month, I don't think this one is going away," she sighed. "You're welcome to stake us out, but keep your weird-about-naked to yourself."
He watched the wall as he came in, but Brina had no such concern, dashing to her black-furred aunt with her arms lifted. "Anoopa!"
"I'm not gonna cave to every fit you throw," Eupa warned as she got out a second stool.
~
The routine took longer to start than to establish, becoming a regular thing before the moon got halfway through the cycle. Eupa went from refusing to call the baby by name to giving her baths and naming body parts aloud. Ro caught them while the reluctant guardian was at it and made no end of fun.
It churned something in the murderer's guts on a level she couldn't describe.
She started hiding from the kid after four months and fifteen days. She held out as long as she could, but everything about it was making her uncomfortable and she couldn't take it anymore.
It immediately got worse because Brina started looking for her as soon as breakfast was over.
At first she knocked on Eupa's door, then she checked the bathhouse. She checked under the table and under Brotz's chair, and then she looked at her father. "Anoopa?"
Brotz pretended to help look, but between his looking under chairs and lifting toys, he would peek over his shoulder and whisper at her. He knew she was hiding. She wondered if he knew why, and if he could explain. She couldn't.
The morning stretched a damn eternity. She watched from rafters, around corners, cracked doors, but she didn't let Brina see her. She wanted to be alone, but she couldn't stand leaving. The best she got was them going outside to call her name while she watched from the roof.
Lunch and naptime were rough enough that Brotz was going to hurt Eupa if he found her. The kid gave him shit about how he cut her fruit, refused to eat without searching for Eupa again, and then refused to nap until she was satisfied with a final search-- and she took ages to nap.
Brotz looked like he'd been back in the arena for the way he staggered out of the bedroom and collapsed into his living chair. Eupa was in her room trying to figure out what the fuck to do with herself.
"I'm not sure where you are," he rumbled, assuming (correctly) she was close enough to hear. "But you have got to get over this. You said that this is what you're doing, too. You're hurting her today, because you are broken inside. Suck it up and pretend, or at least come out and tell her you're sorry and make appearances. I can't tell if you just don't want to love her and it's making you sick to fight it or if you really just can't love and trying to is what's doing it, but you have got to get the face back on for her. Or leave for good, I hate this stalking thing you're doing, you're making my spine crawl."
I always make your spine crawl, asshole. And you know full well I love. I fucking hate it because it makes me act like I have no brains. Like now, I'm acting like I have no brains right the fuck now, hiding in my own house because I love. I fucking hate all of you.
Told her to leave for good. Psht. Fucker. He said it because he knew how she'd react to the idea, shove the choice at her and make her see it. 'Cos those were what it came down to.
She wished she could argue about this being because she was broken inside. She could argue that she wasn't, but the argument hinged on nothing being in there to break, and on some shit she would rather not recall. And either way, she still didn't want to love Brina because of it.
Eupa almost came out after naptime. Brina cried when she was told her dark guardian was still missing. The breaking point was bathtime.
Eupa hid just out of their sights behind a drying rack and watched the red headed giant in his house shirt and trousers kneeling next to a wash bucket and bar of soap, arguing with his naked toddler.
This man had fought an army alongside her. And then he decided they were done and he threw her across the battlefield to keep her away from the side he liked. Toppled two giants, real ones, at once. Climbed a mountain with both her and Ro on his back.
And he was begging his baby to take a bath.
"Diss!" Brina screamed at Brotz yet again.
"I do not know what 'diss' is," he complained. "Can we please just– I don't know Aunt Eupa's thing."
"Diss!" Brina howled, splashing her cloth into the bucket and stomping. Brotz grabbed her hands to stop her splashing (Whyyyy?) and she screamed so loud the glass jars rang.
Brotz stood up and didn't even bother looking around, just facing the wall toward the house. "Eupa please. I know you're here, you've been giving me chills all day!"
You give yourself chills, you can do it on command. Anyway, I'm not coming out.
"PA!" Brina cried, making a much more compelling argument.
Nope. Plus, Eupa wanted to see what Brotz did from here.
"C'mere," he tried. "You do it?"
"Diss!" Brina cried.
There was another horrendous shriek as Brotz apparently tried to help her put soap on the washcloth, which was deeply offensive.
"Brina, please."
"Pa!" Brina declared, apparently deciding there was only one answer to this problem.
"Eupa," Brotz translated.
"Pa," Brina confirmed.
"I don't know where she is."
"Wook!"
Eupa was delighted to witness whatever his face was trying to do, between his rage, confusion, and love for his child. He was completely stumped.
The half dwarf spun in place, glancing right over her. "Eupa, please," he begged again.
"An! Oo! Pa!" Brina cried. "Baff!"
Eupa, not sure why, waited 'til they were looking the other way and slipped out a window.
Ro met her outside, blocking her path. "Get back in there, that was mean!"
"It's his kid, he can give his kid a fucking bath!" Eupa hissed, trying to slide past Ro and getting bodyblocked every two steps for her trouble.
"At least teach him how," Ro insisted, continuing to teleport a step in front of Eupa each time she got past.
Eupa groaned and turned on her toes, finding the bathhouse door right there. Ro steered her right to—
The door flew open before she so much as reached for it. A red-faced Brotz in half-wet clothes and a red-faced Brina, still wet and wrapped in a towel, greeted her. "Pa!" Brina gasped, at the same time Brotz cried, "There you are!"
Brina lunged for her, and Eupa let her to the ground to suffer wet hugs to the leg. The way Brotz was glaring at her, you'd think she actually hurt someone.
Eupa made a show of dismissing him and turned instead to his daughter at their feet. "Brinarini, I don't feel good, so we're gonna let your daddy give you a bath, okay?"
Brina whined, but Eupa put her fingertips over the little mouth and put on a big, exaggerated smile. "We're gonna teach him the game."
Brina blinked at Eupa, then at Brotz, then at Eupa, then at Brotz again and she squealed, "Yay!" She grabbed his hand to pull him inside.
He glared at her all the way back to the tubs, but still he growled, "Thank you."
"Go fuck yourself," she whispered in return. "Can't believe I have to teach you how to take a damn bath."
