The Desire Sonnets
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1.
The briefest touch, a passing finger grazed
Along the back of my bare hand extended,
Leaves flesh and soul and mind alike so dazed
That what he says is left uncomprehended.
His eyes meet mine and show no change of mood,
No sign of thought unchaste or teasing mien,
But only friendship, trust and gratitude
While I but hope my face my thoughts can screen.
With eyes still trained on mine he speaks again:
'I heard that you were hurt, and was concerned.
It pleases me that you are safe, my friend'
Then moves away, to Royal Prince returned.
Dismissed, in lonely nook rememb'ring thus,
With deep breaths, 'gainst the wall, I calm my pulse.
2.
When was it, Prince, that you a man became:
No more a distant star, but here on earth?
And why did you descend to bring me shame?
When heaven-high I knew your distant worth.
I no more thought of you within my arms
Than mortals dream of lying with the gods,
Or blossoms, rev'ling in their springtime charms
Would dare to try with winter being at odds.
But now, a cataclysm of the age,
Or alteration gentle in your gaze,
Brings nightly desperate dreams of your embrace
Which, seeing you next morning, blushes raise.
Or was it not a change in you, but I,
That for no star, but for a man I sigh?
3.
What jesting God looked down on humble guard
Who lives by strength and hopes to honour seek,
Who serves a Prince as distant as a star,
And thus declared: 'the man shall make you weak'?
I cannot now do any daily thing,
Not standing guard, not riding, not parade,
But his near presence sets my nerves to sing
And pulse to race, my thoughts turn renegade.
I am no stranger to a man's desire
(Being felt before, though never felt as much)
But now my torments set my blood afire
For want of that I'll never dare to touch.
Yet though hands shake from primal aching lust
My duty orders 'no', obey I must.
