Chapter 17 A Mask and a Shadow

***

“To what does my ignorance serve? To whom does it benefit? To you, yeah, only you. Chain my mind, my bones, my soul, they are not strong enough. 

So please, chains or no, Grant us yet another day…”

***

Year of Wrath 1231, Season of Harvest, D.97, Ilgor

     The season winding down, the wind infusing the air with dense fog and low clouds as the hurricanes formed off the southern peninsula. The air felt heavy with moisture, threatening to rain all day so far. Made for easy tracking however, I could make more noise and move a bit faster. But, damn this dress Mother insists I wear though, keep getting scratches along my legs. 

     I had followed Hob’s raiding party this time. I had seen enough of Chief's brutality as of late. He had gotten much bloodier, always came to Mother and Me with blood offerings to Bhal, now. The blessing did its job however, Yorm had grown in bulk from the power granted to him. While the ceremony gave temporary speed and strength, it always required more each time. “Much like Bhal himself” I said to the gusting wind, no one around to hear me, a grimace on my face.

     Hob has taken a route through the forest, now striped of leaves and shade. Though the evergreen bushes and late season berries offered more than enough to break line of sight. He had Yvet and Ghet out as a vanguard and scouts. He seemed to be listening to me when I said to give Yvet more room to shine. 

     He was a great leader in the making, popular with the crew. He had saved Hob from getting killed a few times now, quick reactions when negotiations broke down with targets. Hob had taken a liking to him as well, they had started drinking together at the tavern more. Though Yvet would disappear for a few hours every few days, with no one to account for him. “Need to follow up on that sometime” I said out loud again.

     The wind had shifted and eddied as I rounded the large rock formation that held the now dried stream with the copper deposit in it. “The kobolds haven’t been seen much, I wonder why?”

     I spotted Til and Hob up ahead, gauging the scene from one of the tree branches. Squatted down, their ears swaying in the breeze, it struck me just how much we blended into the trees. They only looked like a patch of leaves that had refused to fall yet, if I wasn’t looking for them I would have missed it. 

     I crept up on them, hiding just below at the base of the tree. These two had a habit of not looking down when they were observing something. Following Til’s pointed finger, I also spotted what they were looking at. A single wagon, a new thing that had come out of the southern cities on the peninsula. Some town called Port de Renard, but they had a similar thing like the Glaion Forge House. 

     The thing billowed smoke from a chimney attached to the back of it, the sound of grinding metal filled the tree line. As I continued to stare at it, I felt something in my mind pull hard. An urgency I couldn’t place, but I also noticed small arcs of lightning spanning across the metal shell of the wagon. Maybe one of the steam engines that some of the apprentices talked about.

     Something didn’t feel right as it ground to a halt with the smoke shifting color from white to black. It had stopped in a perfect position to be ambushed, the middle of a turn between two high hills. This felt far too deliberate for my liking, bait. “Tell the others to get moving, we aren’t likely to catch back up to it if it starts moving again.” Hob told Til.

     Til started to rise, but I got their attention with a quick whistle. Both of them flinched, looking down, they saw me. Hob’s face had a faint smile on it, while Til jumped down and hugged me. “Ilgor!, where have you been, it’s been weeks since I last saw you!” 

     “Hob, do not attack that wagon.” I told him as I returned the affection back to Til. Who now looked worried, his eyes darting back up to Hob.

     His cocky eyes looked down at me as he rested his elbows on his knees, “I don’t see why not, it's a rickety machine wagon and it’s having engine troubles now. Why not? What did you see that I didn’t?”

     “It's a feeling more than anything else. Stopped in a perfect ambush spot? Unarmed, unaccompanied by mercenaries?” I told him, needing him to agree with me.

     “Mother, how can I say no? If you command me to, I won’t attack the wagon.” Til looked over at me mouthing the word “Command”. It would appear that Hob had not wanted to let the other raiders know that he favored me to be Chief. 

     “Poor choice of words, but yes, I am worried about the safety of the boys.” I answered him, I watched him mull over my statement again, before he looked away a slight color to his face. I assumed he just understood he said a bit too much for his own good.

     “We will continue down the path, this target looks too dangerous” He made a show of it to Til, “Look at the black smoke, I know those things carry fuel. I don’t want the raiders anywhere near it when it blows.” Hob commanded.

     “We will continue down the path, and hunt for a less hazardous target.” Til said back to him, cocking his head with a look of confusion. But, he had begun walking toward the other raiders scattered in the forest. A few moments later a series of whistles let off, and the boys moved on. 

     “So what are you worried about?” Hob asked as he jumped down and landed lithely in front of me. “Seriously, what did you see that I didn’t? It’s still sitting there, the smoke even turned back to white again.” 

     I grabbed his hand and pushed the feeling of magic in the air into his palm. He ripped his hand away from mine, shaking it a little. “That. That is what I’m feeling in the air, in my head right now. Something is wrong with that wagon.” I told him, saying a quick prayer that healed the burn on his hand. 

     “How much you have grown in the last few months… Mother has been teaching you quite a bit. I didn’t know you could sense magic like that. Can Mother?” He asked me.

     “Yes, but she says I have an odd tendency for it, more than most. She can feel it, but she has to be very close to it, I don’t.” I said as I started walking toward the hillside.

     “Ilgor, stop.” It was a command, annoyed I turned to look at him. “So what? You’re going to tell us to not fuck with that thing, and you’re just going to go down there and what?”

     “To be honest, I don’t know. I just want a closer look at it.” I said flatly.

     “Why do I not believe that?” He sighed, running a hand across his face, he looked much older than I remembered. He looked tired, his eye perpetually bloodshot from the scar the spiderwebbed on his face. 

     “I promise to come back alive, Hob.” I told him, smiling. 

     “Well don’t come back dead, I’ll kill you if you do.” He said, turning and waved as he walked deeper into the forest. 

     Smiling, with a small hurt in my heart. His scars still hadn’t healed from where I smacked him with that spear. I wondered if it hurt him, he wouldn’t ever tell anyone if it actually did. Headstrong and bullheaded, he was. I walked down the hillside, using the staff Mother had given me. 

     I was lost in a memory for a moment as I used it as a brace and lever. She had handed me her staff while she was coughing up blood. Her illness had never gotten better, even with the lessons she had me use on her. Magic was doing nothing for her. She held it out to me, telling me that she would not be able to help me make a new one for myself. She told me that hers was powerful, years of prayers infused into the dense white wood. 

     Her eyes had started to grow cloudy these last few days, but she was still able to look directly at me as she spoke. She told me that the Mother before her had wanted her staff to be special, so they had gone to the Vilothric Mountains for an old beast of a tree. They had spent an entire week hunting it down, a wind weathered juniper. Massive, standing a full span tall. 

     They had taken a root from it, and they liked how it had eight distinct curls to it. Intertwining in a ringed chain, Mother had said it spoke to her in a sentimental way. They had brought it back, dried it, hardened it. Made it durable beyond comprehension with a few choice prayers. 

     The staff was indeed something that had been such a common sight in the Clan that it ceased to be an object, more of a fact of life to us. When she handed it to me, the proud smile that split her face filled my chest with a warmth I hadn’t felt in a while. My reverie broke as I stumbled the last few steps from the hillside, causing quite a bit of noise. 

     Snapping my head up I saw someone standing at the doorway of the wagon. Rebalancing myself, I looked up again and the man was waving his hand through the air. Instinct overtook me as I felt a massive wave of energy form around me and burst out, knocking the spear of icy off course and impaled itself in the stones behind me. 

     “Wait wait wait, I don’t mean you any harm!” I stammered out at him. He cocked his head, I couldn't see his reaction though. He wore a silvery mask with strange symbols near the eye holes. 

     He flicked his hands again, and a rain of sharp stones flung at me with a sharp gust of wind. I jumped back and pushed power into my voice, “Stop! I command you to stop!”

     He cocked his head again, and laughed raspy and high pitched “My my my, I wasn't expecting someone out here to be able to use tonal magic. Let me see…” He leaned back and roared at me. 

     A shockwave of pressurized air came at me, quickly I caught the power in my hands and opened it just enough to pass by me. He pulled on the bottom half of his mask, revealing his porcelain white skin. He was smiling at me, with pointed teeth poking out from his mouth, just barely visible. 

     He walked toward me while continuing to send slashes of wind at me. I was able to dispel a few of them, knock a few others aside, but more cut me. Slashing at my skin, leaving razor thin lacerations. But, I could tell he wasn’t aiming to kill yet, as each blade of wind eased up in intensity as it broke skin. 

     “I mean you no harm, stop this.” I said to him, unleashing a wall of wind at him, crackling with lightning to knock aside more flying stones aimed at me. 

     “Then please tell me why you goblins were following me for nearly six miles, then to have you tell them to leave. Why?” He asked in his high pitched voice sounding ethereal in the wind. 

     “How could you possibly know that, there is no way you saw us.” I said through gritted teeth. He sent another icy spear at me, only I misjudged its path and it speared my dress to the ground. Effectively me as well.

     “I see you aren’t denying it. That's good, I will answer your question then.” The wind died down and the man squatted down in front of me to look at me at eye level. “I am a knower of many things. Seer of the world, deviation to the sublime. A balance to be known.” He smiled with his wicked teeth again. 

     Steepling his hands together, he spoke again. “I do have some questions for you though. Specifically you.” 

     The icy spear instantly melted away, leaving my dress heavy with the weight of the water now. “Why did you attack me?” I asked him, not daring to move yet.

     “Merely self defense. I spotted an ambush, I prepared for it, and someone came.” He said with a smirk that belied that he already knew that the ambush had left. 

     “So lets start, what is your name, Miss?” He said as he stood back up, his full length robe covered in those strange symbols as well. He reached his hand out to help me up.

     Suspicious, I still took his hand and got back up. Dusting off what I could, much of it was mud and blood now. “My name is Ilgor.” 

     “Allow me for a moment.” He spread his hand wide and placed it on my chest. I tried to jump back, but he caught me with his other hand. A power flowed into me and traveled through my veins. It was the same warm feeling that Mother had when she was teaching me how to heal. 

     All the cuts that this man had made burned, then closed. He took his hands off me and I fell backward hard on my tailbone. Flushed I snapped my head back up at him and yelled “Could you warn me first?! I thought you had something else you wanted on your mind!” I got back to my feet, tucking the sides of the dress back around me to cover me better.

     “I have no interest in you like that, Goblin.” He said with a wave of his hand as he started walking back to his wagon. “Follow me, I still have questions for you.”

     “I don’t understand what is going on here. First you attack me, tell me that you knew we were out there, don’t listen to me when I tell you I don’t mean any harm, then continue to attack me. Now you want to be polite and cordial after you grope me and close my wounds that you caused?” I told him, voice dripping with venom and power echoing in the small valley the road sat in.

     He had floated a small set of table and chairs out of his wagon, and pulled a bottle out from a side compartment. He waved at it indicating he wanted me to join him. I only placed my hands on my hips and stood there.

     Sighing he said “Ilgor, I told you I have no carnal interest in you. Second lets begin with the first lesson.” Did he actually think he was going to try and play teacher with me? “Yes Ilgor, I do think I am going to ‘play’ teacher with you.” he said flatly.

     My mouth fell open, did he just read my mind? “Yes, and no. I can see certain things pass through your mind, but not the whole thought.” I walked over to him, worried. He was clearly a much better caster than me. Much more powerful and efficient, and he does things that I didn’t know were possible. 

     “Then please, tell me what your name is?” I asked as I sat down in the comfortable chair, it had somehow changed shape and size to fit me perfectly. 

     “You may call me simply, Sorcerer.” He said as he poured himself a glass of blood red wine. “But, to the matter at hand. I am impressed by you for one.”

     “What do you mean?” I asked, as he poured me a glass as well.

     “One moment, let me explain my first lesson first. Why did I ‘grope’ you, as you put it. First the heart is a potent pump to deliver magic on your behalf. So channeling that power directly over it is the fastest way to do so. You then let the heart pump the magic and guide it to where the injuries are. You let this happen because your body is already doing everything it can to flood the area with blood to begin healing it on its own.” He took a sip from his glass, I finally noticed his teeth were the same color as the wine. 

     “The only issue is that you have to pull the power back away after it has done its job. Otherwise you can give the patient unnatural growths and cancers in the affected areas. So while you fell back, did you not feel that the warmth had left your injuries?” He asked me, turning to look down the road. 

     “I didn’t know that.” I said monotonously, not touching the glass of wine. 

     “Then I will demonstrate” He raised his hand, and a squirrel came flying out of the forest at us. He levitated it right in front of me, and pointed to a section of its chest as it angrily chittered at us. Flicking a finger at it, he broke one of its legs, and dropped it in my lap. “Do as I described and heal it.” 

     Horrified, I sang to it quickly, and it fell asleep. I began chanting the prayer Mother had taught me. But the Sorcerer told me to stop. “That is an archaic way of beginning this. What faith is that?” He asked me, leaning one of his elbows on the table. 

     “Can I finish this first?” I said back with an edge to my voice.

     “It will not wake, please answer my question.” He said with subdued annoyance.

     With a humph, I responded. “I am a follower of Bhal. As is my entire Clan.” 

     There was a very long pause, the Sorcerer responded “Bhal…” The sky grew dark as he said the name. “What a vile boy he is. I see now the tether…” The sky returned to normal and he resumed “We will circle back to that, but you don’t need to chant for you to use that blessing’s magic, it is a part of you now. Magic works off of intent, so that chant is merely a means to an end. It only puts your mind in the right place. You need only think of that chant as you do this as you use it.”

     “I never mentioned the blessing…”I said, turning to him, suspicion evident on my face.

     He waved a hand and indicated to me to begin again. I placed my hand over the squirrel's chest in the spot he had shown. Focusing on the feeling in the chant, I let the power flow into the little creature's heartbeat. I felt its bones snap back together, I pulled the magic away and let it dissipate into the air. 

     The little creature woke, sleep heavy in its eyes. I set it down on the ground and it walked off, wobbling, back into the forest. “That was cruel,” I said to him, not looking in his direction. 

     “You need live subjects with an active injury to use that magic properly. To a degree anyway, I haven’t seen a talent set like yours for a very long time.” He told me as he took another sip from the glass. 

*** 

     “It has been eons since I felt this, it’s familiar. Like the prey of old. She is something else. We will need to cultivate this, teach till this harvest bears fruit.” I thought to myself as she sat back down on the chair. 

     She looks nervous, and furious with me. I can’t blame her, but I can see it in her mind. She wants to know what I know. This should be fun for me.

***

     “May I see you use your voice again?” He asked me with a polite bow. 

     “May I ask why you are so interested in me?” I retorted back. 

     He set his glass down, and leaned back on his elbows to look at me. “Because you, Ilgor, have an extremely unique set of Talents. You have a combination of The Domain of air, the Talent of tones. I feel an odd mix of Cosmic, Temporal, and life magics. Not dissimilar to the Wayfares of this land, but extra doses of magic that expands out what you are capable of. That being the main reason. But…” 

     “There’s always a but, what do you want?” I sighed out.

     “As you have established, I can see a bit into your mind. I want to offer to teach you what you need for the Clan to surpass all its known limits.” He said to me with a crooked smile. 

     My ears perked up without me meaning to. “And besides magic, what could you possibly teach me?” I didn’t want him to know he was the exact thing I was looking for. He was clearly intelligent, powerful, and willing to help me despite the current circumstances. 

     “Oooh many things!” He floated out a few dozen books from his wagon, books ranging from metallurgy, to farming and irrigation, to military tactics. “I am a knower of a great many things! Master of all subjects mundane and arcane!” He was excited to start talking more.

     “And, you’ll just teach me? Because I have an odd combination of Talents?” I asked skeptically. 

     “Well first if you could use your voice again for a moment, then I’ll answer.” He said coyly.

     “Fine” I said, flooding the one word with power. It echoed heavily out, vibrating the trees and stones around us. 

     “You are such a tease, I was hoping for more. But, I think I recognize it now.” He said scratching his chin. “But I’ll admit to something however.”

     I looked over at him, my full attention on him. “Yes?”

     “While I do mainly want to teach you because of your magic, I want it known that I also want you to stop following Bhal. In other parts of the world like the Zybtine Empire, many of his teachings are barbaric. Bhal strives to be the only focus for each of his followers, a ruthless god of ambitions and conquest.”

     “Many of the cults following him demand that they are parasitic in nature. They steal, pillage and plunder in his name and glory. Many of his followers cause devastation wherever they roam or persist. But then again, you probably knew that part.” He side eyed me from his mask, an insulting smirk on his face. 

     “I want to balance out his folly. I don’t want anyone to follow him. I have spent years trying to dispel his dogma in other parts of the world. But, now that I see goblins following him, a few things make more sense to me.” He said under his breath. 

     “What makes sense to you?” I asked, intrigued at that statement. But he only waved the question aside. “I have been having many doubts about Bhal and our faith. As you said, he demands us to raid, to live day to day, and never plan for the future. I have been speaking with a few other clan members about how I don’t think our god has our best interest at heart.”

     “You are right to assume that, Ilgor. In many parts of the world Bhal is viewed as one of the few evil gods in the Pantheon. Bhal has a penchant for subjugating and enslaving his followers to himself.” 

     Ice filled my veins at his words. The words of Mother ringing in my ears. “To be his soldiers in death, to stand in his glory…” 

     “My my my, how pale you just went. I’m assuming you just realized the truth in my words.” He smiled as he took another sip of his wine. “Well I want to offer something to you. It has been a very long time since I’ve seen someone like you. Oddly enough it was another… Well perhaps I shouldn’t say too much on that subject.” I noticed he had slipped into using the same language as me, but I didn’t care too much.

     I only felt pang after pang, as I remembered more and more of Mother’s teachings and how Bhal was our only Father. Our only tie to this earth. Something felt wrong now, something had changed. I was dimly aware of asking “Sorcerer, how old are you really?”

     “All in due time. Come back to me as many times as you like, with any questions you have, on any subject. I will answer them truthfully. There is just one stipulation though.” He purred out the final sentence that just dripped with intent.

     I sighed again “What is this stipulation?” 

     “You may not teach your people what I teach you until a great calamity has occurred. I know you are going to want to, but in my experience, people tend to learn far quicker and the lessons hold more, when they actually need it.” He said with a malicious smile splitting his face in two.

     I thought for a long moment. The sun had begun to start setting, the Sorcerer had opened a book quietly reading while enjoying his wine. I thought about all the things this Sorcerer could teach, all the possible avenues I could take. 

     The moon had risen to half its height by the time I answered. “Very well, I will come back and learn from you.” And I felt the wind shift from the south, enveloping my skin in a warm embrace.

***

     I pushed aside the heavy blankets the family was using to keep the draft out of the caves. The dim fire in the alcove carved out of the wall, burned low. Filling the chamber with just enough light to see by. I walked past the others to sit by Mother’s side. 

     She was asleep, her breath heavy in her chest. She wheezed with each exhale, her skin hot to the touch. Pulling one of her frail hands into mine, I sang to her softly. She smiled in her sleep, gripping my hand tighter. 

     One of the other women sat next to me and started undoing by braid for me. I suppose it was obvious why I was here. Many of the others in the cave had gotten up to watch, and lend me their presence. I felt some else sit next to me, brushing up against my side. 

     Glancing over I saw that it was the Chief. He scrubbed all the blood off his arms from his raid earlier that day. He even took the time to scrub all the filth and grime away from his armor. He had grown used to wearing it more than his usual clothes these days, said he felt more comfortable in them now. 

     He had placed his hand over mine, and hummed the hymn I was singing. It was a song of wonder, one of the few we had in Mother’s holy book. It told of one of the raiders of old that saw the beauty of a setting sun, and his wonder as the stars slowly appeared in the sky. I had always felt it was out of place in the book, if felt more like a story from a time we never experienced. 

     I, however, let my anger at the Chief fade while I continued the song. Mother had wheezed out and tried to catch her breath as her eyes fluttered open. She smiled deeply as she saw us together sitting there, and placed her other hand over ours. “I haven’t heard this song for many years” she closed her fading violet eyes, her breath phlegmy. “Takes me back to when I was just a young girl.”

     Returning the smile back to her, I felt it reach my eyes. I placed my hand over her heart and poured power into her. I felt the warmth as it flowed into her skin, letting her heart work it through her body. The soft glow from my hand filled the cave with just a bit more light, softer and warmer. 

     She looked over at me, her eyes a bit more vibrant, but still sunken. A pleasant look crossed her face. “Now that isn’t what I taught you.” She coughed as I pushed fluid out of her lungs, the smile never leaving my face. I wouldn’t allow it to leave for her sake. “My, how you’ve progressed. You don’t even say the words aloud anymore, a prayer felt in the depths of your soul”

     I knew I was using too much, but I wanted her to be comfortable. There wasn’t anything I could really do, I felt that the damage was too deep for me. I knew I wasn’t good enough to cure her, but I could make her much more at ease. “I just want to know what ails you Mother. I haven’t seen anyone get this sick before.” I told her, keeping my voice soft, gentle. Refusing to let my sadness be heard in my words.

     “Oh Daughter, there really isn’t much you could do for me in the end. I am old, old even by our family’s standards. In the end I gave my Blessing to you so that you may lend Bhal’s power to the clan in my stead.” Her voice sounded clearer, less strained. “Without that Blessing, I knew it was only a matter of time. Do not feel shame or sorrow, I knew that you will become a wonderful Priestess. It would seem I was not wrong.”

     A pain in my heart as she spoke. The doubts I felt, feeling far more potent, far more like I was betraying her. I only nodded my head, still trying to keep my smile from crumbling. Chief watched with an amount of awe on his face as he realized what I was doing. I pulled the magic away from her body, ceasing the healing. 

     I felt that her lungs were cleared, her aches and pains in the bones eased away. She could sleep soundly tonight. She was falling back asleep quickly, “I will do this, I will ease your pain until the end, Mother.” I whispered out. Starting to hear my voice break.

     Chief had slipped his arm around me, and held me for a while. The others had gathered round Mother while she slept soundly for the first time in weeks. They all looked at me with a strange look, I was unsure if it was respect, awe, or curiosity. I just knew I didn’t want that right now, unsure of what I wanted. 

     “You did a kind thing for her.” Chief’s deep voice filled the cave, even though he spoke softly. “I did not know you could do that, I had seen Mother do so on a few occasions.” He turned to look over at me, that awe never having left his face. “But, she was exhausted afterwards, you seem fine.”

     I sighed, saying nothing as I got up and walked out of the cave. The cold sand beneath my feet, I watched the sky. There was the rocky point out in the bay that sounded nice right about now. I shuddered thinking of the cold water, but I started walking that way anyway. 

     When I had gotten there, climbing the rock, I sat heavily. I watched the way the stars slowly turned in the sky, not wanting to sleep. I didn’t want to sleep much anymore, I only ever had nightmares now. I kept freezing sections of the cave in my night terrors, I didn’t want the family caught up in that. 

     I thought I had seen a few of the stars shift, as if looking down at me. But, I chalked that up to the fact that I was perpetually running on little rest. I only watched as the sky continued to deepen in purple and greens. The drifting nebulas appearing as the City extinguished its lights for the night, keeping only their lanterns lit in the streets. While it was far off, the city still influenced us out here as well.

     I thought of how it felt pulling the pain out of her, and that the Sorcerer was right. It was an inefficient way of casting magic, I was able to do much more than I had ever been able to do before. A smile crossed my face, my eyes were starting to get heavy as I listened to the crash of the waves against the rock. 

     I didn’t remember falling asleep, I had been woken by the sunrise cresting over the horizon. I sat up and felt a heavy blanket fall off my shoulders, just barely managing to grab it before it fell in the water. I then suddenly realized two things; I didn’t have any nightmares while I slept, and that someone had been here to give me this blanket. 

     Standing up, I stretched and smiled. 

***

     I sat there with her sleeping form, watching the very stars she had. The very stars I had dreamt of, I had forgotten the beauty we had created in this world. Her soft breathing soothing as she was granted peace. A hard fought feat with her mind in turmoil. Not as to my fault specifically, but a part played. 

     Sweet child touched by shadow. Mind occluded by dark, A chain to a weak link, yet to break. If she can see past the cloud that has permeated this place, then yes. I should think so, then yes. 

     My eyes burned as I saw what had become of the world we had spent so much time in. They had not touched this yet, maybe they saw what they could do, maybe they saw what we could do. Maybe they could hold it together, but never create on their own. 

     I watched as the sweet child slept soundly, while I tried my best to keep the darkness at bay. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep this up forever, but I could try. I called out and had one of the children bring her a blanket. They joined us for a moment before returning back to the caves on the shoreline. 

     I felt peace as well, for once in a very long time. I watched Syn rise as the morning light broke the sky. Maybe, just maybe not only me anymore.